


Life as We Know It

by Project_Miru



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Couple dead people, Gen, Gen Fic, Ignore last few minutes of season 1, Prompt Fic, Slice of (holistic) life, The Universe isn't a little shit, but it's Bart so... c'mon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project_Miru/pseuds/Project_Miru
Summary: 500 word drabble based off the Pintrest prompt:He stared at the bodies on the ground, at the girl covered in blood. Her eyes narrowed as she stood up.“You’re late.”You can't tell me that doesn't sound like our Bart. Ignore season 2 and last few minutes of season 1, this is somewhere before Blackwing came back into the picture.





	Life as We Know It

He stared at the bodies on the ground, at the girl covered in blood. Her eyes narrowed as she stood up.

“You’re late.”

“I was only gone for five minutes, Bart.”

Ken shook his head as the holistic assassin ambled towards him from the edge of their campsite. Really it should be more alarming to him, to see this deranged-looking woman soaked in blood, picking dirt from under her nails with an obscenely large knife. Alas, this was Ken’s new normal, this was actually quite tame compared to some of her (or the Universes' really) more memorable targets.

“What took yous so long?”

Rapunzel yipped at his feet, he’d momentarily forgotten their ‘totally not stolen, technically stolen’ companion. Leaning down he scratched behind her ear, holding the slack of her leash to prevent her from charging over to Bart. Blood was always so hard to get out of fur. Not for the first, or even fifth, time Ken wondered what his life even was now.

“I had to walk the dog.”

He gestured down at the corgi; who cocked her head in recognition. Where had all these people come from? The Universe had taken the trio to the veritable middle of nowhere, the trunk of the car they’d acquired serendipitously filled with camping supplies and MREs. God, there had to be at least five bodies, Bart’s handiwork making the actual count suspect.

“Why you gotta walk tha dog? She got four legs.”

Of course, Bart probably had no experience with pets before. He shook his head bemused. How could someone so lethal be so... innocent. Well, not innocent in a criminal aspect, more innocent in life experience aspect.

“It’s just a thing people do with dogs, Bart. She’s got four stubby legs and could use the exercise.”

“That’s weird.”

And just like that Bart brushed passed the two, walking over to the car trunk- that Ken knew was definitely locked- and propped it open. The sound of plastic bags rustling mixed with the overhead birdsongs as she riffled through their food supply.

“Aha.”

She emerged from the trunk victorious, a pack of Zingers in hand. She made quick work of the wrapper, inelegantly devouring a Zinger with the ferocity of a piranha. Meanwhile, Rapunzel licked her chops seeing the possibility of scraps. Ken chuckled as he remembered the ‘piranha in the stream of creation’ comment from a few weeks ago, Wow, had it only been a few weeks? His old life seemed so far away since getting caught up in the holistic whirlwind that was Bart Curlish.

“Wuts so funny?” she asked through a mouthful of pastry.

“Nothing, just remembered something.” This seemed to placate her as she opened the back-passenger door (also definitely previously locked) grabbing a bottle of water. Rapunzel shuffled at his feet, snuffing the ground for crumbs. _Fine_ , he’d give the dog a bath later. Reaching down he unclipped the leash and the corgi rushed to Bart.

Blood was indeed hard to get out of fur.

**Author's Note:**

> Was browsing through Pintrest for prompt Ideas and stumbled on this one. I will get the tone of this series one day.


End file.
